A Family Trip to the Hardware Store
by The Amazing Fetus
Summary: Then Phantomhive's take a family trip to the hardware store to buy some supplies to "renovate the house".


_Interlude: A Family Trip to the Hardware Store. It's part of the "Trust Me" series that didn't fit in because it's not torture porn, so this probably won't be funny for you at all unless you're familiar with that story. Enjoy it some fucked up family-murder stuff. _

* * *

"Vincent, I need you tell to Sebastian to pick me up a few things." Ciel said. He stood in Vincent's office and handed him the shopping list. It was typed neatly with proper indentations according to this pointlessly compulsive desire for ordering everything. Vincent looked down at the list, making sure that his son, wasn't asking Sebastian to fetch him anything 'indecent'.

"Oh for fucks sake, a nail gun? Ciel, that's tasteless. I'll tolerate your teenage Emilie Autumn phase but I will not tolerate laziness," Vincent said.

"I think we need a family trip to the hardware store." Vincent suggested.

The hardware store, also known as the place where Vincent purchased all the implements he used to torture his victims. The ropes the sex shop sold were not strong enough, the razors were not sharp enough, but the hardware store was a treasure trove of things you could use to maim people with, especially if you were the lucky combination of creative and sadistic. It was also a bonus that nobody at the hardware questioned it if you bought five gallons of industrial strength bleach, a few hundred feet of unbreakable chains, and a large hacksaw. Vincent appreciated that .

"Then why the fuck are you bringing him?" Ciel pointed at Sebastian. This supposed to be a family trip to the hardware store for the two demons, not a family plus sex slave trip to the hardware store.

"Sebastian is your new mother, Ciel. Deal with it."

"I'm older than he is!" Ciel argued.

"You still inherited his ridiculously full hips!" Vincent laughed.

"I'm not that pear shaped," Sebastian complained.

"Sebastian, you come equipped with handle bars."

"No I don't."

"Yes you do. It's because you eat more cake than actual food," Vincent said as he pinched Sebastian's hips, just to make a point.

"Stop it!" Ciel shrieked.

"What? I'm totally allowed to fondle my boyfriend in public."

"You sicken me."

"Shut up and get your things."

Sebastian and Vincent strolled through the hardware store, looking around for various objects. Ciel looked around nearby them, being humiliated and embarrassed by the fact that everyone actually assumed that he was the child of these two assholes, which he technically wasn't. For most people, they already knew what they were going to need, as a trip to this diy supply shop was never for fun, but mostly out of necessity of the moment. If the door broke, or if the kitchen needed painting, or if the washing machine required an obscure assembly parts- they came here. Trips here were purposeful, unless of course, you were a demon and you were thinking of all the fun things that could be done with hedge clippers and industrial wood clamps. Sebastian saw a package of plastic zip ties meant for the purpose of tying together large, heavy objects and threw it into the shopping cart. They looked like they could be a lot of fun.

Ciel browsed the hardware's selection of fine power tools. He wondered if a chain saw would be over kill, even if he just got a little tiny electric one. Perhaps not even for Alois but for someone else whose blood he could see splatter the walls for once. He looked at circular saws, whose safety guards would lessen the fun more than cause it. Ciel pondered about the electric drills, running his fingers along the thick, 12" drill bit meant for drilling through thick pieces of hardwood, the little indents in the surface were sharp and nearly cut his finger. This would have been cruel, so he gently picked up a box with the same model number on it and put it into the shopping cart. He also stopped by to pick up nails and a hammers, and a few 2x4s. Along with that was five rolls of duct tape, a few different types of chains, some plastic rope like stuff he could use and some clear plastic line and large hooks that were probably meant for deep sea fishing. This was not including all of the things that Vincent picked up.

"Sebastian have I ever told you that you're so cute I could eat you?" Vincent and Sebastian were flirting in the shelves near the handsaws while Ciel browsed and rolled his eyes.

"What are you, some kind of sex obsessed demon?"

"No, just the regular kind."

"Will you two knock it the fuck off!"

Vincent and Sebastian were being obnoxious in the store, as was per their usual affair when ever they were out in public, for they always brought out the worst in each other's manners. Especially since Ciel was with them and Ciel hated it the most when they were being openly affectionate. Their open affections was something that was considered both disgusting to humans and to demons, for different reasons for each culture, but it still made everyone around them very uncomfortable with the situation. Ciel wished that they'd get it over with and make out so that they could be kicked out of the store and he could checkout at the counter without having to be embarrassed by these two idiots. He was not so lucky.

The cashier who was checking them out was a polite woman who did not bother looking at them strangely as she helped Sebastian bag the assorted items they have purchased. When you were buying diy supplies for reasons other than their intended purposes, it was hard to explain the random amalgamation of objects and what they were for. Actually, Sebastian didn't know what some of these actually did, but he did think of several other alternative purposes for them. He figured it probably wouldn't help to suggest that they were renovating the house, even though they really weren't, and who the hell buys zip ties and duct tape to renovate a house, anyways? Not the Phantomhives, that was for sure.


End file.
